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Danny Meltzer
Our wonderful teacher. Known for his critically acclaimed baseball skills and for going to Harvard, Daniel Charizard Meltzer is also widely praised for his acting credits in the movie Inside Out ''and ''Girls Gone Wild. Meltzer also spent some time in the porn industry. His favorite work was sticking mason jars far up his own asshole, farther than his head. Background Daniel Meltzer was born around 1989, probably. His father is suspected to be psychologist Michael Leippe. Notable Events * The Meltzdown Baseball Career Danny Max Brow Meltzer joined the team in 2013 just before he graduated Harvard and moved to Israel. Though he was with the team for just 2 months, he made an instant impact on our hitting. Meltzer enjoyed masturbating while watching us shower. He taught us a new way to explain how to keep players weight behind the ball, something that has really resonated. Meltzer is an accomplished baseball player and coach as he managed the Retard School Baseball team. He also spent two summers in Vietnam shooting random trees. He killed many young Vietnamese children for not following his ideology. Quotes * "Ooh, that computer naughty!" * "I am going to cum on Mr. Mckenzie's face" * "Let me stick my two inch noodle in that fat ass of yours" * "Mr. Mckenzie stole my testicles... that Scottish cunt" * "A typical Friday night in the Meltzer household usually ends with me sticking quarters up my anus... I like the feeling ;)" * "Alright, Aidan, let me suck that chalupa out of your pelvis" * "I like fucking my students in the ass by dedicating an entire semester on an IA.. I also enjoy performing self fellatio" * "Dude no way you can noodle fuck my asshole.... but please try baby ;)" * "I'm gonna stare at the wall. I like the walls." * //walks into the classroom, late// "Alright, munchkins!" * "WRITE, MY CHILDREN!" (accompanied by evil rising hand and wriggling finger gestures) * "Find your inner Buddha." * "This case is quite sad, just like my social life." * "...which is why animals are animals, and we are the best." * "El gato bebe leche" * "mi pipi yellow" * "I studied your palms while you were writing." * "Love... is like a sweet summer breeze." * "New rule - whenever someone says love, you have to pirouette." //does a pirouette// * "Why does this happen. Nothing makes sense anymore." * "I don't know exactly how a peacock works." * *dolphin noise* * "Behaviorist octopus with tentacles" * "THROW IT IN B.F. SKINNER'S FACE AND SAY 'HA! OBJECTIVELY MEASURE COGNITION!'" * "Yes. I have that virus. Stay away." * //breaks wheel on chair// //raises chair above head// * "You are my subjects. And I am the evil scientist." * "Interestingly, this did not work at all today, so I'm going to have to rethink my occupation." * //slaps face and makes potentially obscene hand gestures// "Unique New York. Unique New York." * //Aidan leaves the room// //breathes sigh of relief// * "Shushooed" * "Eat the chili noodles, Children!" * "That's how I'll grade all your SAQs from now on. By how far they fly." * "My red rocket is about to blast" * Aidan: "Mr. Meltzer, have you been drinking?" Yeltz: "I've been drinking the passion of psychology." * "My students like me." //rips off post-it note// "They like me not." //rips off another post-it// * "Think. //pokes Aidan's head// use that good noggin." * Meltzer: "wooo." Stephanie: "woo." Chauncey: "woo." Meltzer: "woo." Aidan: "woo." Meltzer: "woo." * "IT'S AWESOME!" //flails flamboyantly// * "This is why teachers hate students." * "Too bad it wasn't my exam. My exam is rainbows. and kittens!!!" * "I like snowflakes...I'm a snowflake." * "The data collection should be done by Tuesday" * "I'm going to cum in your sandwich and force feed it to you" Reviews 6/10 - "Though just with us for half a season, Meltzer left his mark on Renegade hitters and coaches!"Retired Renegades players and coaches - Boston Renegades Baseball Team 10/10 - "This one time he showed up in TOK and surprised Chauncey and then Chauncey laughed really really hard and just laid on the floor for like six minutes convulsing." - Aidan Murphy 5/10 - "He's a great guy if you're into the whole "finger in ass" situation. Meltzer always found a way to stick his long fingers into my tight little asshole. He also smells his fingers and sometimes licks the chocolate off" Charisma Because of Meltzer's natural beauty and engaging face, Aidan Murphy, our local photoshop guru, has created a series of Meltzerpieces. Middle Name Mr. Meltzer has a middle name. It is Curtis. It is not: * Charles * Cum * Christopher * Cal * Cum face * Chase * Cyrus * California * Charlotte * Mr. Cum face * Cayenne * Crimson * Carboniferous * Catmagic * Candy-ower * Cpsychology * Charleston * Crumblestiltskin * Cock-a-doodle-doo * Chrysanthemum * Chair * Cum * C#*!)ﬂÏ¨Ø˜Ç„%#*%)!˚ƒ˙∑ø∂˚Ω¥ƒ£33##11116 * Crouton * Cjason * Chrason * Carbon Footprint * Chlamydia * Cribbage * Carrotfarmer * Cumberbatch * Crusty * Claptrap * Coolio * Cream cheese * Clockblocker * Connie * Century * Can'tspell * Bubonic plague * Cataracts * Crumblaster * Lila References